Fitness slogans do not motivate me

Suzette Standring
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I’ve gone to my fitness center once in the last six months.  Considering my monthly membership fee, my gym card is the most expensive photo ID I own.  I sit on the ab crunching machine, hoping to do 50, and the back of a muscle man’s tee-shirt catches my eye:


I think, OK, maybe I’ll add 25 leg lifts.

Afterwards, I walk past a man pulling on rope chains, as if hoisting a whale from the deep.  A woman climbs a rotation ladder that ascends steeply toward infinity.  I purse my lips and think, “Honey, don’t blow your knees out.”

I shake the jealousy away and think, “I’m not doing badly for 60, motoring around compared to other people.”  (“Other people” being the paralyzed or the bedridden).

Just then a blonde in neon pink walks by with a slogan emblazoned across her perkiness:


Fine, I’ll have a few go-rounds on the indoor track.

After a few (true to my word) laps (in the slow lane because the window views are marvelous), I sit down for a read.  Where are all the gossip mags?  Geez, am I being forced to read various versions of Best Workouts?  Fascists.

Another tee-shirt goes by: SUCCESS DOES NOT REST.

Oh, kiss my abs. Fitness slogans do motivate me…toward lunch.

Posted on on 6-17-2015


  1. OMG! Hilarious!!! I just came to poke around and look at how great your blog page is, so that I can learn from the best, and just had to read because the title grabbed me! You are fantastic!!!

  2. Suzette Standring

    Nicole, you are the best interviewer ever! I had a great time on your show. Thank you for covering all the bases.